So this post is about jealous, shocker as it says it in the title right?
Jealousy is something that I have to deal with every single day and it's crushing. I wanted to write a blog on this because it's so easy to have trust issues nowadays.
I'm not going to go into all the details as to where mine originated from but it's painful every single day. I know this is a topic many of you will struggle with as well and I want to try and help as much as I can, not just for you guys but for myself.
The thing with jealousy/trust issues is that it's an ugly monster. It really is. But at the same time, it's so difficult to let go of the things in which have hurt you. It's haunting and it stays with you for so long. It's difficult to let go of such things that have had such an impact on your life.
The man in the picture means the world to me. But because of what people have done in the past, I find it hard to trust him and really I have no reason to doubt him. We have our ups and downs just like every relationship but he's never hurt me by cheating or whatever. He's never looked at another girl in that way, he's never messaged a girl in a way he shouldn't. He would never do anything to hurt me and I know he wouldn't; but yet I still worry. That may just be a part of my personality as I mentioned in a previous post I worry, A LOT.
At the moment I'm working on getting over my issues. That part of my life is behind me, it may be a bit dramatic to say I'm haunted by my demons on a daily basis. That's what it feels like at least. I need to learn to deal with the pain rather than taking it out on him when he's done nothing wrong.
I've chosen to be with this man and it was the best decision I have ever made. He is not perfect; he plays games farrrr too much and my god does his ass stink, but I have still chosen to be with him, to trust him. If I thought for one moment that he would do something behind my back, I would leave. I have done in the past, whenever the going has gotten tough I've run.
I want to reiterate, this is not a boohoo sob story post. This is not a post because I am after attention, I mean I am an attention hoe but this isn't one of those times. I'm writing this post because I hope on some level it may help some of you. I'm also hoping some of you would give me advise.
I'm not entirely un-trusting. I'm not one of those girls who wants him to text back mega quick or spend every single minute with me, regardless of what he thinks. When he goes out without me on a night out or whatever I don't worry that he's doing something he shouldn't be because for some reason I have more confidence in him when he's out without me than when we're out together, strange huh?
When he goes out what I worry about is whether he's okay, now he can't hold his alcohol very well. So when he goes out he tends to not only forget his limits, but tells them to bugger off entirely. I worry that he's going to hurt himself or get into trouble.
And then he'll stumble on in and tell me how much he loves me before proceeding to pass out on the bathroom floor.
The more I write this the more I realise how silly I am so much of the time. I've been very lucky to find a man like him and I only hope that you guys can find someone like him too. He has done nothing to deserve this kind of treatment from me and it's not like I intentionally do it.
I feel like I've rambled on enough about this and I'm sorry it's not entirely a happy topic but I felt like I needed to vent and if it helps you guys then all the better. If you have any advise for me please let me know, I'm always open to suggestions :)
Until next time guys x